My Thoughts on Past Bullying

I can never forget. I can erase that e-mail from my computer or take down my Hotmail account, but I'll never delete it from my memory. I can forgive the girl who called me a fat bitch in grade 6 before she even got to know me, but those words will stay in my mind until I die. And I can move on from all the shit I was put through last year, but whenever I see the bully herself, I'll always remember how helpless and suicidal and stressed I felt because of what she did.

No matter how better I get, no matter if I get help, nothing will ever erase those memories. I can't go back in time and stop those people from doing what they did. I can't permanently erase my memory of what happened. I can change in the most drastic ways, but those comments and assumptions and hateful words will always be the same.

A lot of the time, I wish I could forget. I wish I could forget the tears and the cuts and the meltdowns. I wish I could forget feeling sad, angry, hopeless, miserable and suicidal. But at the same time, I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget how those events made me realize how much words CAN hurt. I don't want to forget how I became a better person by rising above hate. And I don't want to forget who my real friends are again.